Taking a rest…

My mind isn’t fit for writing at the moment, but I want to try and update on a more regular basis, so:

Insects

Busying themselves around flowers

Rumi the rabbit

You were born with potential

You were born with goodness and trust

You were born with ideals and dreams

You were born with greatness

You were born with wings

You are not meant for crawling, so don’t

You have wings

Learn to use them and fly.

- Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī

Being different together

This is Locke. No one really knows what kind of creature he is, we guess he’s somewhere between a fox and a cat. He’s always had odd eyes. One eye blue, one eye green, this is what is called heterochromia. Locke was often teased by his peers in his younger years for his uneven eyes, but there really is something remarkable and beautiful about the subtle lack of symmetry.

This here is Locke’s friend Wren. She is but a couple of days older than him and though they are both quite mellow personalities, she is by far the shyer of the two. Wren is a sweet young rabbit, her shyness often leads to her being overlooked by strangers, but Locke is always able to converse easily with her. She’s a friendly soul, she just finds it hard to talk to people she doesn’t know as it makes her rather nervous. I suppose she’s somewhat of an introvert.

The two of them became friends in the beginning largely because Wren didn’t mind the fact that Locke’s eyes were a little different than everyone else’s, and because Locke was patient enough to get past Wren’s shyness. And now, they really are what you might call the best of friends.

The pattern I used for these two is courtesy of fearsomefaerie

Stigma

In my first post I explained that the reason I felt I needed to say that I have depression is because there is a certain stigma attatched to the illness, to mental illness in general actually. Major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders… we face this stigma. There are many people suffering from these illnesses, so what is the problem here? Why do I feel afraid and ashamed to tell other people that I have depression, that just because you can’t see it like you can see a broken leg or a tumor, doesn’t mean it’s not there? You could say that this is just my strange perception, that I’m paranoid, but I’ve gotten a similar feeling from people I’ve known who are also mentally ill.

Our culture seems to have a problem with the fact that our own minds can harm us in these ways. That it’s too painful or “depressing” (excuse the pun) to think about. So we’re forgotten. I guess it’s kind of like the way people avert their eyes from people who are obviously differently abled, who are unintentionally different in some way from what is perceived to be the norm. Our society seems to want to avert it’s eyes so that it doesn’t have to feel empathy for the people within it who are suffering.

I say we simply shouldn’t feel so afraid to feel empathy for each other. We are sentient, and with that comes the ability to suffer. Suffering is inevitable, but there’s no reason to make it harder for anyone else or to promote the suffering. So, to any of you out there who may be on the receiving end of this stigma: know that you are not alone, there are others like you around, we’re just not very loud compared to the clamour and movement of the world.

Rays of Hope

Often as I’m making a crocheted creature, they will whisper  their name to me, their story, anything about themselves they think I aught to know. Do you ever get that kind of sense about something? Feel the story of what you’re making? Maybe I’m just wierd, it wouldn’t be the first time…

Let me introduce you to Sundancer. He’s a dragon, the kind like the one in The Neverending Story; fluffy and friendly-looking. Sundancer guides the spirits of sufferers back to the sun with the liquid golden beams of the light of day. His voice is like the jingling of bells, or chimes in the wind. He gives us the hope that one day, we will be able to smile again. And that is his reward, the thing he seeks most, the glow that shines out from the inside, a true smile.

Sundancer was kind of like a warm ray of light in the middle of a great big fat artist’s block. Last year, all of the creativity was drained out of me. School had hollowed me out and left my creative self for dead. I dropped out of school a couple of months ago, I feel like not only my creative self was left dead when I was over with it. Now, I’m just trying  to find my way back to life again. I’m not there yet, but I still hope that sometime, I will find my Sundancer again.

Discharged

I’m still no good at beginnings, but I’m going to give this my best shot… My name is Rebecca. I’m a fearful deer, or at least I feel a lot like one.

I was just discharged from hospital yesterday, after 5 weeks in a psych ward not so far from here. I have depression. It’s still something that has somewhat of a stigma, but I felt like I needed to say that upfront and not be ashamed of it.

I made this blog to give myself an opportunity to write freely and passionately, the way that wasn’t taught to me in school. The way I love. And through my writing I want to try to help people, give something back to all those who so generously shares pieces of themselves with me and everyone else over the internet… of course, there are also many trolls and asshats but I’m not trying to speak to them.

I’ve had two blogs previous to this one, and they taught me a lot about this medium of communication, but not so long ago I permanently deleted both of them. It was a time when I didn’t want to expose myself to the world and I felt isolated by the depression but not ready to reach out. I’m coming back now with what I hope is a renewed focus, and a hope to keep this going stronger than either fearfuldeer or kinoko.